Animosity, Bloodshed, War and you name it, this is what India vs. Pakistan is all about.. “It’s also about gallons of Saliva shed to keep the ball’s shine”, added the then Pakistan Coach Waqar Younis, who spitted approximately twenty two times before he completed that clause.
Ground & Pitch Inspection: Rameez Raja, a fair and neutral commentator, yet a Pakistani reported, “The ground here is as round and as big as Inzamam’s tummy. No matter how big it is or how worse the pitch behaves, if Afridi hits, it stays hit.. What’s more, Pakistan have dangerous campaigners like Umar Akmal & Abdur Razaak, Cool Customers like Younus Khan & Misbah and a Smooth Operator in Umar Gul!”
Dada: “Thanks for that unbiased report Rameez..”
The Blip after the Flip: India won the toss, and wohaaaaaaahhhhhh, the Mohali crowd went bananas and nuts… Well, wait a minute said Dhoni, who Live Paused the euphoria by pressing the green button for Nehra and red button for Ashwin… Blunder, blunder, blunderrr… A mouth full of words/words full of mouth Sidhu harped, “An Indian team without Ashwin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze”. On hearing which Ian Chappell sitting right next to Sidhu, hurried out of the studio yelling ‘help!, help!’. Although on his way out, he uttered a couple of prayers for the safety & solidarity of Harsha Bhogle from a Lusty Sidhu.
Sehwag’s Slaughter: Back in Mohali, Sehwag went ‘Bang Bang, block, Bang, Bang and Bang’ after Gul’s second over.. The smooth operator was taken for a bumpy ride in the streets of Mohali, subsequent to which he got parked in the Garage (comprising other dismantled operators), for a complete overhaul. The hit bowler was hit out of the attack”, cried Rameez from the comm. box.
Sachin the immortal Avatar: Things looked ominous for Pakistan, until an unknown entity came on to bowl. Wahab Riaz, who replaced a currently sympathetic, commonly pathetic, Shoaib Akhtar, trapped a whirlwind Sehwag right in front. From then on, it was the survival of the luckiest, err, the fittest Sachin, pitted against the Pakistan fielders hit by a contagious ‘Kamran Akmal Flu’.
Target 261: The Indians scratched to a total of 260.
Ravi Shastri who’s famous for providing mind-blowing analysis with his
rib-tickling clichés, oops I mean, with his amazing expertise, started unleashing some of his incredible skills, “Don’t forget, it’s an Indo-Pak game.. Don’t forget, Prime ministers ‘re here.. Don’t forget, India’ve runs on the board.. Don’t forget, Pakistan’ve to chase under lights..”
My close buddy besides me chuckled, “Sabbaaaa! Indha kosu tholla thaanga mudiyalapaa” (Here goes the Junoon Translation: “Sigh! This mosquito irritation, bear can’t I..”)
The mosquito wasn’t finished yet, “I just get the feeling that this game will go down to the wire..”
My friend muted the TV and affirmed, “I just get the feeling that my boss is more of a bearable non-sense than him!”
With my eye-brows raised, I thought to myself, “At least my friend is one lucky fellow!!”
Pakistan Batting: Pakistan always pose a serious threat to India.. But this time, with bat in their hands, it was slightly different. Things weren’t worse for them, except for the fact that their batting order from the top contained 4 out of their 5 batsmen, who had earlier helped Sachin and India reach this total.. “Chal, jo hua so hua.. Get that out of your mind boys”, inspired their skipper…
Pakistan in their chase, were steady, even at losing wickets. A mini middle order collapse gave India hopes. Umar Akmal came, ‘Hit & Went’…
Now I know all of you would be rather tempted to ask me a question that goes like,
Shouldn’t this phrase be used to represent Afridi’s innings?? A: “Afridi going out to bat is exactly same as a diarrhea hit person leaving out of the loo.. When both of them are sure to be back inside in no-time, there’s no point going out after all no?!”
Miss-Bah to the rescue: He did it for India in the T20 finals, yet again he didn’t fail.. Misbah’s innings was pretty similar to a case of a workaholic employee already late for lunch, entering a rather jam-packed office cafeteria, had to maneuver through wise and considerate set of people standing like a pillar in the way of pedestrians, by performing U-turns & sharp Z-turns to reach the menu board, just to see a bunch of ladies standing right in front discussing, “Hey Sonam, did you see Ritesh-Genelia’s wedding pics, Ash has put on weight no?”. “I told you na, She’s an Aunty yaar!! Giggles”, yet, scooting past them all only to find at last that,
“IT’S ALL OVER”.
External Factors: Out in the stands few interviews took place. Manmohan Singh: “After enjoying my stint as the spectator in the 2G scam, I am absolutely thrilled being the spectator once again”
Aamir Khan- “I will wear the same dress for the finals regardless of the toxic smell that the public may have to encounter..” He signed off saying, “My mustache is the lucky charm for India.. Hence for the finals, my current wife will grow mustache too.”
SRK- “Heh-heh-heyyyyyy! Ra. One film is shaping up pretty well.. I am a humble person.. Korbo Lorbo Jeetbo!”
All of a sudden, there was a familiar voice that reverberated from the heavens throughout the world that only meant India being crowned as the World Cup Champions 2011 is a foregone conclusion..
“Hello world! I will be @Mumbai for the finals DOT!”, sounded the voice..